Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize