Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
