biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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