I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
