what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
