i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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