I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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