just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
