Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
