oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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