You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
