how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
