Its about making memories worth repressing
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
