low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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