You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
