the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
