Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
