Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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