it's too hot outside to masturbate.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
