So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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