Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize