Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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