It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
