Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
