don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
