It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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