so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
