Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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