mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
im on a boat
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