I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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