I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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