is your mom at the bar?
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
