I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
