the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
