I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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