Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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