for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my poor anus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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