I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
