I can text with my tongue
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
