just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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