we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
