Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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