i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
