all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
