I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
