Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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