i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize