Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
