This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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