i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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