pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
