dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
