alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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