There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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