We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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