Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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