He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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