Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
