THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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