How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
